


And then my ray of light disappeared

by nevvy



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M, Set in 1900 somewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 05:16:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16947711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevvy/pseuds/nevvy





	And then my ray of light disappeared

It’s dark in the room, despite it being a day. The window is too small to let in enough amount of light and the curtains are in the way of the precious little that is trying to find its way through the dirty glass.

A silhouette is lying on the bed underneath the window, unmoving, the only sign of life coming from him is the ragged breathing. He’s pale, his blonde hair messy, partially sticking to his forehead. He coughs once, twice and then some more, desperately trying to fill his lungs with air. 

A nurse comes into the room, her outfit white and pristine, the look in her eyes serious. A young man follows, his face red and puffy, tears running down his cheeks. He takes a place on the chair at the foot of the bed, trying in vain to control himself.

The blonde coughs more, spitting up blood and the nurse rushes out to come back with a cloth to clean him up. 

‘Shhhh’ she says, trying to calm him down. ‘Just close your eyes and try to get some rest.’

‘It’s not long now, is it?’ the young man on the chair asks. 

‘I would lie if I said it was. This is the last stage, I do not think he will last the night.’

A sob escapes the man’s lips. He is trying to wipe the tears away but fresh ones keep coming all the time.

‘I will get some cold water and a bowl, your... friend is running a fever’ she looks at the man, a sad smile on her lips. ‘Don’t worry’ she adds, seeing him almost panic. ‘I will not tell anyone, this is none of my business. But please, try to be quiet, I’ll loose my job if they find out I have let you in.’

She leaves and the young man comes closer to the bed. 

‘Robert? Do you hear me?’ he asks softly. 

‘I’m scared’ the reply comes in between fits of violent cough. 

‘I’m here. I’m here. I will not leave your side.’

‘I don’t want to die, I’m so scared, Aaron.’

He is coughing again, his face turning red, his hands gripping the sheets of the blanket he is lying under. Aaron feels helpless, he would anything possible to save the love of his life but he cannot do anything other than stand and stare.

The nurse comes back as the fit is over, she places the bowl on a bedside table and puts the cloth in it.

‘Poor you’ she strikes the blonde hair and presses the cloth to the man’s forehead. ‘Try not to talk more, it will only bring more coughing. Save your strength.’

‘What for? I’m dying anyway.’

She smiles a sad smile, there is no need for any comforting words now, as he is aware of the situation. The nurse only hopes death will come peacefully on him, taking him in his sleep, sparing him from more suffering. She has seen too many deaths, long and painful, all her patients die, one by one, once you have entered the sanatorium there is no coming out. The graveyard outside is full with headstones, old, young, children, all consumed away by tuberculosis.

A question from the dark haired man brings her back from her reverie. 

‘Can I... can I do this instead?’

‘Of course. I need to see the other patients but I will be back soon.’

Aaron takes her place, it feels good to have a task to concentrate on. Robert’s eyes are closed now, his chest going up and down in strained movement but he is not coughing anymore. The fingers of his right hand are clenched around Aaron’s left hand, the grip still strong. 

‘Aaron?’ Robert speaks so quietly it is hard to hear it. ‘Promise me one thing.’

‘Shhhh, you shouldn’t be talking now.’

‘Promise me you will move on. Once I’m... once I’m dead, you must promise.’

‘I don’t want to. I want you, I want to spend my life with you, I don’t want you to die.’ He is unable to keep the emotions at bay anymore, he knows this will only upset Robert but Aaron does not have any strength left. He just wants to lie down beside his love and die with him. He cannot picture a life without Robert, he does not want a life without Robert.

‘Promise me you will find a wife, someone who loves you. You have got your whole life ahead of you, don’t let this stand in the way of your happiness. Please.’

‘I don’t want a wife! I don’t want anyone else than you. I can’t promise you this, Robert, I just can’t.’

‘It wouldn’t be so frightening if I knew you have got someone to take care of you when I’m gone.’

It pains Aaron to see Robert being worried about him but he is unable to lie, even if it would mean easing the other man’s conscience. 

‘We wouldn’t be able to be together anyway, you know that, not without risking gaol. At least promise me you will be careful when I’m not around to keep an eye on you anymore.’

Aaron swallows the tears. ‘I will. I won’t be seeking trouble if that is what you mean. And I don’t want anyone else, man or woman.’

Robert closes his eyes again as the conversation has exhausted him. The grip on Aaron’s hand loosens and after a while he falls asleep. His breathing becomes calmer and Aaron is hoping against hope that this is not the end yet. The day turns to night and Robert seems to sleep peacefully, even the coughing has subsided. The nurse visits a handful of times, reminding Aaron to be quiet and not let anyone else see him. She knows how it feels to see someone you love fading away and not being able to do anything about it. And she is not judging the two men who happen to love each other, even if the outside world would condemn them for living in sin.

As the church clock strikes midnight and Christmas Eve turns into Christmas Day, Robert takes his last breath. His eyes flutter open for a short while and lock themselves on Aaron, who can only watch as his best friend, the man he has loved more than anyone else, the one who learned him what the meaning of the life is, looses the final battle. 

Outside, the snow is falling, someone is singing a Christmas carol and the life moves on. But for Aaron, the world has just ended.


End file.
